Articles From Edythe

Developing a Deeper Communication with Each Other (Mirroring)

(Return to the Articles Page | Print this Page)

How does mirroring your partner’s feelings, or having your feelings mirrored make you feel?

Obviously you enjoy being with your partner and want to continue the relationship. But what if when a certain subject comes up you two have totally opposite points of view. What if no matter how many times you explained your point of view your partner does not want to hear it? You think you love him, but somewhere deep in the back of your mind you wonder, “What happens if he is never interested in what I have to say? Where will this take our relationship down the road?

Would you feel better if he showed you that he understood your point of view, listened to it, but thinks differently about it? If you did the same for your partner, could you benefit by understanding his point of view, rather than just dismissing it?

Which scenario feels better to you, A or B?

A, You tell your partner your opinion about a particular movie, and he tells you that he disagrees. Then he proceeds to tell you why you should think a different way about the movie. How do you feel?

B. You tell your partner your opinion about a particular movie. He disagrees with you, but does not want to invalidate you; so he mirrors what he heard you say: “So you believe that the hero was not interested in the heroine’s feelings in your example, and that made you feel angry towards him? Can you tell me more?”

You then go on to explain why, and even though your partner continuing to disagree, he will continue to ask, “Can you tell me more about why you feel that way? Again, you feel like your partner cares about what you said.

Which scenerio resonates for you? Why? How did each one make you feel?

When mirroring, keep asking “Is there more?” or “Can you tell me more?” until there is nothing left to share.

This is what Mirroring is really about. You may never agree on a certain subject but knowing your partner understands why you feel the way you do will make all of the difference.


Edythe Denkin, PhD: Regain Your Emotional Freedom
Meet Edythe Denkin
News
Speaking and Coaching
Calendar
Books
Press Kit