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Book Tour: Edythe Denkin, Ph.D. In Her Own Words www.popsyndicate.com

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Book Tour: Edythe Denkin, PhD, In Her Own Words

I wrote Relationship Magic for the purpose of reaching deeply inside of as many people as possible to show them how they can make their marriage fuller and happier; also to show that divorce can be prevented, especially if people can be reached at the first signs of stress. They too can learn how love can come back in a more meaningful and secure way.

It wasn’t until my husband and I studied with Harville Hendricks that our relationship evolved in the deeper way I had always dreamed it would be, and I wanted to pass that gift on to as many people as possible. When I decided to write this book, my dilemma was how to reach people in a profound way that would make a lasting difference in their lives.

As a practicing Imago Relationship Therapist, I was so very glad that this work made a difference in so many people’s lives. But the most frustrating part was twofold:

1. Most people came into my office blaming the other, and one usually saying, “People like me! I get along with everyone! It is only my wife (husband) who doesn’t understand me. I don’t argue with any of the other people I know.”

2. And, couples would say, “Dialoguing just takes too long. Why can’t we tell each other how we feel without having to mirror, summarize, and empathize by putting ourselves in the other’s shoes?”

Although I found many different and creative ways to answer these questions, they did not always help. Even when couples found dialoguing beneficial in my office, I found that after the couple left they did not take the time to dialogue themselves.

Even though they wanted to understand why their marriage was so stressful they insisted that dialoguing was not the answer.

After puzzling over their dilemma, time and again my mind took me back to both of my student teaching experiences. One master teacher was young and energetic, but the kids hated her. They didn’t like her because of her sarcastic and even mean tone of voice. The second experience was with a pro who was in her late 60’s. The children and I loved her. Because she had mastered the art of storytelling, the children learned so much from her and eagerly looked forward to their geography lesson at the end of the day, when she would tell a story about the shape and climate of the Alps, or the Rocky mountains, etc. Although I had hated geography before that time, I also looked forward to her story telling lessons. I never forgot her stories or her incredible story telling technique. And even began to love geography.

As I was puzzling over the similar problems I was facing with the couples I worked with each week, I suddenly remembered Olglenna Ayers, that wonderful master teacher I had experienced. I asked myself, “Would writing a fairy tale about marriage make the difference?” After many years of experience with story telling (after knowing Olglenna) and then researching fairy tales, I knew this was the avenue that would definitely make a difference. When people listen to fairy tales or other stories their conscious minds are not defensive, and they are able to take in the story without rebelling about what is being taught. It was then that I knew a fairy tale about marriage was the perfect vehicle to get my point across.

To this day, I am experiencing couples taking in the lessons from Princess Cinda and Prince James. After reading Relationship Magic, and then being in my office, my therapy with them becomes many times more effective. You see, they now understand why we are doing what we are doing, and are eager to learn more. The book is helping to bring my couples’ therapy to the deeper level at which I enjoy coaching. I also believe it is helpful to people who are not in therapy as they too learn that there is a way to help their marriage evolve in a deeper and more loving way. And if they cannot help the marriage themselves, they now know a way to go.


Edythe Denkin, PhD: Regain Your Emotional Freedom
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